I Wonder

Sometimes I wonder,
How different my life would be, 
If I made choices,
Based on the things that I want, 
Not what other people want. 

Sometimes I will think, 
That the decision is mine, 
That I have a choice, 
But part of me knows, I don't,
The choices are always yours. 

So I'm changing that, 
I am taking back control,
These are my choices, 
And it is my life to live,
So I am going to live it. 

It is not up to you, 
You can't tell me how I feel. 
I am done with you, 
And all the choices you make, 
That were never yours to make. 

Sometimes I wonder,
How different life could have been,
If I had a choice, 
If I had made better friends, 
Well, if my friends were not you. 

Here’s the deal. In school, I didn’t really fit into an average friendship group and the friends that I did make were pieced together by all of us who didn’t fit together. However, they all had things in common and looking back I didn’t. I changed who I was, in order to fit into this group that maybe I didn’t belong with. How else can you explain why they left me out? The thing is, when I moved to university, I learnt a lot about myself. I didn’t like the person that I was becoming in trying to fit in. So I changed who I was to be who I am, not who I thought I should be. I am happier now than I have been in the longest time, and yet I lost most of my friends. It is okay to leave people behind if they do not fit with your happiness. I watch the people who called themselves my best friends leave me behind. I watched them move on and leave me. I grew from it. I am okay. I am a better person for it. I am happy. 

That was my choice. I watched them chose to leave me, and I chose to be happy. 

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